My friend, Genevra McLaren

My friend Genevra McLaren is the only Genevra McLaren in the world.

I thought she was lying when she told me this, but I searched Google, which contains the names of every human being who has ever lived, and sure enough, all of the results took me to my friend.

My friend, Genny McLaren.

Genny is a tea connoisseur. She has excellent taste in spiced teas, which she shares with me sometimes.

The first time I hung out with Genny, I played the hand game “slide” with her.

In the above sentence, Genny would know whether or not the phrase should be “hanged out,” because she is good with grammar.

In the above sentence, Genny would know that “whether or not” should be shortened to just “whether.”

My friend Genny likes to watch silly videos with me sometimes.

One time, Genny punched me in the face, and only because I spat on her. I immediately forgave her though, because I’m sure the punch was somehow linked to a valuable lesson in copy editing.

Genny doesn’t like it when people say, “Such and such a team had a 2-1 win over such and such another team.” She would rather have the word “over” be “against.”

Genny was born in Caribou, Maine.

Sometimes I pronounce the word “program” as “progrum.” I don’t think Genny likes this at all.

Sometimes I call Genny “Genevris.” I’m not sure how she feels about this so I’ll keep doing it.

I don’t know a lot of things about Genny, but I do know enough about Genny to know that she is my good friend, so I’m not worried about becoming more acquainted with her.

Also, I stole her diary and have lots of free time tonight.