The loud squeals reverberate off the ear drums of every person in a five mile radius. Within 20, dogs yelp in pain.
The beings doing the squealing reek of a mixture of Chanel No. 5, hairspray and minty bubblegum. They are females. And they haven't seen each other for at least 15 minutes. They exchange hugs, bounce up and down and emit a sound that can only be described as "pure elation."
It is a momentous occasion.
The embrace is used for casual and serious occasions alike. It is utilized when humans greet each other as well as depart. Urgency to perpetuate the close bond between loved ones, friends and strangers alike have been passed along through messages in advertising (I'm looking at you, Abercrombie & Fitch) and commercial television (Rock of Love didn't appear out of nowhere).
The illusion that outward physical affection should be spread to everyone within any given vicinity -- after the age of, say, 10 -- is completely ridiculous. There are places in the United States (as well as globally) where a person can be severely beaten for even considering given someone a hug. Then again, even gangsters embrace each other upon greeting each other, but not before a really tough-looking handshake.
It's an epidemic. Nay, pandemic.
The lesson to be learned: Don't prance around like Richard Simmons assuming that you can spread hugs to everyone. You can't. And you shouldn't. Practicing over-hugging abstinence improves a hug's positive effects. It's science.
Start a trend. You just might save a life. Or a dog's ears.
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