Since the awkward 7th grade dance where I pinned my 8th grade beau against the gym wall and crammed my tongue down his throat for the first time, I have been addicting to middle school make out sessions.
I have run into numerous bad kissers, and that is pretty much the telltale sign of whether I'm going to get more physical or kick the poorly trained pucker boy to the curb. I have taken a few guys under my wing and taught them the tricks of a good smooch, but most resort back to their old ways on sloppering all over my face or choking me with their Corn Nut-flavored tongue.
Here are a few free tips from the master:
1) Be soft but firm. Weak-lipped kisses suck and the pouty-er the kiss the better.
2) Don't be afraid to suck and bite the lip, just don't go into Dracula mode. Although I have drawn blood a couple times, no one wants to taste their own blood after a kiss.
3) Breath mints were made for a reason - bad breath equals vomit city, so pick up some Listerine strips before a date night. Stale beer and cigarettes don't taste like candy.
4) Try to kiss the way the other person is kissing you. If they like to dart their tongue, do it back. If you don't like what they're doing then just grab their face and control the situation. Nothing is sexier than domination...at least in my opinion.
P.S. A la Katy Perry, I kissed a girl and I liked it, too.
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